May 29, 2010

The Conceiving

I became pregnant tonight. Again. For the last one month I was toying with the idea, unsure of whether to go through the pain once again. But the Grand Master visited from the Far East and waved his magic wand.

My first child is still a toddler, trying hard to put the first steps correctly but the ecstasy of the night of conceiving is something unparalleled in this Universe. You feel gifted, you feel blessed to have a seed sown into you. For months now it will drain you of your life blood, it will give you mood swings, it will alienate you from the pleasures of the world but when at last you give birth and you hold the fruits of your labour for the first time, it’s a feeling beyond words.

Tonight I realize that’s who I am. I have been made to give birth. For the last one month I have taken care of children of my friends but somewhere the passion is never the same. They were never neglected but somewhere deep down I knew a craving for a new life had begun to take shape.

I need a new life to sustain my own existence. It’s as simple as that. You’ll know for the last one month I have not written in this blog as the floodgates closed down. My emotions seem to follow the Water Cuts of Mumbai. There’s only so much they allow themselves to be seen and sometimes they just maintain a 100% cut. Stubborn, headstrong; my own mind at times refuses to listen to me.

It’s 2 in the morning. And I feel more alive than I have felt in the last month. Witty Woman was wrong. Farming is not the only thing where a man is closest to giving birth.


ramya kumar said...

From "The Gardener", Tagore:

I will give up my other work.
I will throw my swords and lances down in the dust. Do not send
me to distant courts; do not bid me undertake new conquests.
But make me the gardener of your flower garden.

Shreya said...

Another line of savories? :)And who is person from the far east? Mr Mishra by any chance?

Madhurjya (Banjo) said...

@Ramya - complete surrender to a higher ideal. Yes, I could do that

@ Shreya - :) dhus. All in life is not work

sayrem said...

Hmm Umm. And if the child is still born?