August 26, 2011

Enter Sandman

"The Lord of Dreams learns that one must change or die, and makes his decision." – Sandman.

Sandman was your favourite novel. In fact, without it, we would never have met in college. It was not often that you find someone sitting with your favourite book which not many appreciate. Today I have one more choice for the Lord of Dreams – to neither change nor die, but to hold on in the secret corner of your heart, something that is more precious to you than anything else in this world.

Tonight, I don’t have them with me any longer, just like I don’t have you. I have spent ages wondering how I screwed it up. Minutes had passed into hours, the hours had passed into the morning when finally my wife of 25 years stirred in her sleep and gave me that angelic smile of hers. Probably she knew I was up all night, probably she knew I was thinking about you.

I wish that perhaps you would suddenly come back one day; sometimes I wish you never had left; sometimes I even wish that you had heard what I had never said.

We've been through this such a long long time
Just tryin' to kill the pain

Music helps. It helps to make you bring out the emotions within. Sometimes, it’s best to let others say what you could never say. And that’s when all these years of walls that you had carefully built up, falls down like a pack of cards – and I roll over as Humpty Dumpty would have. It’s funny how even when writing about you, I can make fun of myself. I know that’s what you would do. It was always a joke to you.

I tuck you in
Warm within
Keep you free from sin
'Til the sandman he comes

I did try to protect you from all things evil. Today, in those rare moments of sanity, I realize how stupid I had been to trying to save you from the world. I ended up losing you altogether. It’s hard to kill the pain.

There are those strange nights when I suddenly realize that we perhaps are still searching for something; maybe not one another, but maybe what we wanted the other to be – an ideal image; perfection. I know for myself. I was searching for you in my past.

It was really hard to hold the candle in the cold November Rain. But..

I know that you can love me
When there's no one left to blame

We’ll meet our Sandman one day. And he won’t be the bogeyman. He’ll help us find ourselves, where we’ll be old, stripped of our egos, bathed in nothing but light and then slowly...

Exit, light
Enter, Night
Take my hand
we're off to never-never land...

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