“Look, if you had one shot, one opportunity
To seize everything you ever wanted…One moment
Would you capture it or just let it slip?”
He stared at the blade in his hands. For the first time in weeks he smiled. It was a smile which he knew was hollow, almost sarcastic to be honest. Honest! That was a joke. He wasn’t honest to himself over the last few months and no other honesty matters when you are dishonest to yourself. He looked at the photograph in front of him. It was their last one together. He pressed the blade to his palm. Millimetre by millimetre, the pointed edge moved in and a red drop of tear formed on his hand.
She always smiled when they were together and he felt peaceful. A certain calm and serenity which had been lost to him since she had left. He had made peace with himself but at nights when he lay on his bed and the lightning streaked across the sky, the memories came back to haunt him.
He needed to focus and the pain on his palm helped. All his energy was directed towards it and his mind was becoming numb. Millimetre by millimetre, the pointed edge moved in and a red line of pain formed on his hand.
The night they parted he had cried, a silent cry that none heard but since that day tears were lost to him. The heart turned into cold stone and the world to his playing field. He kept himself busy, never thinking about the past. Millimetre by millimetre, the pointed edge moved in and a red river of unfulfilled promises formed on his hand.
On her wedding night he could have told here once again, how much he loved her. He wanted to tell her that she completed him and yet all he could do was smile. She never understood the pain behind that smile. They hugged for the last time and the white rapper sang in his ears.
But he chose to “just let it slip.”
He looked at the picture one more time. Something snapped within him. With one jerk he pulled out the blade. And smiled. Millimetre by millimetre he had let go of the pain. Sometimes not seizing all that one ever wanted was the best gift he could give. He would be there, all his life.